Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
