If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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