Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
