im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
