I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
