sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
