Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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