I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
