I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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