franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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