Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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