even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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