My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he thought i was a dude.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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