ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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