She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
