I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
