that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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