The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
