If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
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