I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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