bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
