; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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