I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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