My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
its not stalking. its research.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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