Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
