I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
