Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
