I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I believe in your delicious
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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