marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
