shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
