i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
