those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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