Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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