what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
3pm strippers are depressing
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
