there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
