I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
