He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
