What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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