I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
