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I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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