4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
