My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
