I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
