I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
