the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
