using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
