So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i think my mom watched the whole time
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
