I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
