she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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