weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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