So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
