I like to think it a success when the cops are called
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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