My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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