Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize