It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we made out on top of his cat.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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