I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
