My underwear smells like fireworks.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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