I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just had sex on a roof
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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