Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
