Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
