Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
