i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
