I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
