when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
