I bet he comes in French.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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