by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
