elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
