it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Operation Purity has been aborted
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
