I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
