I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
